The Screens Are Winning: Observations from Real Life, the Therapy Room, and Research 

There’s a pattern I can’t unsee. It shows up in sessions, in waiting rooms, in restaurants, in living rooms, and in stories clients bring in week after week.

People are spending hours a day on screens — not because they want to, but because something about it feels impossible to stop. It’s not a moral issue, not a discipline issue, not a “people these days” complaint. It’s something more heartbreaking than anything really. It’s affecting mood, relationships, and the ability to feel like a person inside your own life.

As a clinician and as a human, it’s become alarming to witness.

“I Hate How Much I Use My Phone… But I Can’t Stop”

I hear some version of this from nearly everyone — clients, parents, teenagers, friends, adults with no "social media" at all:

“Oh, I’d love to not be on my phone so much. But I feel powerless. I know I’ll keep doing it.”

Most people aren’t in denial. They see what’s happening. They feel the ramifications.

And yet, the pull is stronger than their plans, intentions, or frustration with the pattern. That stuckness isn’t laziness — it’s the result of how deeply these platforms hook into the brain and our psychology.

Screens Don’t Calm Us — They Light Us Up

Many people turn to screens because they feel exhausted, overstimulated, overwhelmed, or stretched thin. And it makes sense: reaching for a device gives you a moment of escape, something effortless, something passive — it feels nice.

But despite how it feels in the moment, screens don’t quiet our system.

They pour fuel on it.

Why? Because:

• rapid scene changes require constant micro-shifts in attention

• bright colors, sudden motion, and nonstop novelty activate the alert system

• unpredictable reward patterns trigger dopamine spikes

• the brain is decoding faces, text, music, movement, and emotion all at once

• the body stays still while the mind accelerates

It feels relaxing, but physiologically it’s exhausting. The brain is processing hundreds of tiny cues every minute, often without your awareness.

No wonder we feel wired, foggy, or emotionally shot afterward.

What People Seem to Not Notice Anymore

No one seems to bat an eye at disconnection, lack of attention, or isolation anymore.

• Families sit in the same room, each on their own device.

• Parents miss the sound of their child trying to talk to them.

• Adults don't start chores or work because they “clicked one thing” and lost two hours.

• Partners sit next to each other but their minds and attention aren't.

• Long-held hobbies sit untouched.

• Nature became something people scroll rather than experience.

• Conversations are increasingly built around shows, trends, or what someone saw online — instead of what someone lived.

It feels like we're living in a version of Fahrenheit 451 — televisions as entire walls, people watching instead of engaging, becoming immersed in these screen-written worlds. Or like Wall-E, where discomfort pushes people toward constant entertainment instead of movement, creativity, or connection.

It’s devastating not because people are doing something wrong, but because they’re losing access to parts of life they say they desperately want.

It’s Not Just TikTok

TikTok gets a lot of attention — and for good reason. Its design is especially potent in tricking people into staying on the app for hours.

But some people insist, “I don’t use those apps,” thinking they’re immune. Meanwhile they’re spending hours a day on:

• YouTube

• streaming shows

• LinkedIn

• newsletters

• Substack

• endless news feeds

• online shopping

• gaming

• constant TV in the background

The content and delivery systems change. The effect on mood and attention often doesn’t.

Screens are screens.

What Constant Stimulation Does to the Brain

Over time, the nervous system adapts to whatever it’s exposed to most. And right now, the dominant environment for many people is:

fast, loud, bright, novel, rewarding, and endless.

That level of stimulation affects:

Attention
Slow tasks — reading, chores, work, listening — can feel harder because they don’t deliver the instant reward your brain has adjusted to expect.

Mood
Overstimulation can lead to irritability, anxiety, emotional flatness, or a vague sense of restlessness that people can’t name.

Somatic awareness
When all your attention is absorbed externally, you can lose contact with your internal cues: hunger, fullness, fatigue, tension, emotions.

Motivation
A sense of fulfillment, satisfaction, and productivity can become tied to screens — not life. So picking up a hobby, starting dinner, or going for a walk feels strangely effortful and exhausting. Slowing down feels like trudging through waist high mud.

Screens don’t just take our time. They take our capacity to do things even when we're not using them.

What We’re Losing

This is the part that breaks my heart the most — watching people wish for a different kind of life but feel too addicted and depleted to make a change.

We’re losing:

• the satisfaction of building or creating

• the comfort of real rest

• the spark that comes from imagination

• the rhythm of being outdoors

• the clarity that comes from boredom

• the presence needed to connect deeply

• the internal cues that tell you what you need

• the joy of watching a child tell a story

• the ability to sit in your own mind without wanting to escape it

These things aren’t small. They’re the very foundations humans exist upon.

If You Want Something Different, Start Small

I don’t believe in shame-driven, fear-mongering change. It doesn’t work. People are already overwhelmed and exhausted — you don’t need another reason to feel like you're not doing something right.

Instead, try tiny shifts:

1. Create one screen-free pocket a day.

Three intentional minutes counts. A meal counts. A shower counts. A walk around the block counts.

2. Replace screen time with true rest.

Screens simulate rest. Your nervous system needs the real thing.

Try:

• a nap

• stepping outside

• looking at trees (my personal favorite)

• stretching

• coloring or doodling

• playing with a pet

• brewing tea

• breathing for one minute

3. Revive one low-effort hobby.

Not a performance hobby. An explorative hobby: puzzles, drawing, fishing, gardening, knitting, a book you’ve read ten times.

4. Practice tolerating micro-moments of boredom.

That discomfort is the gateway back to creativity and presence. Start with 10 seconds. Then 20.

5. Charge your phone outside the bedroom.

This one change alters people’s lives more than they expect.

This can't be done with an all-or-none approach. And, none of these tiny tweaks feel good at first. Detoxing from overstimulation is uncomfortable — your brain wants to maintain the constant input it's used to.

When It Feels Impossible, Therapy Can Help

Screen overuse is becoming one of the most common forms of addiction I see — not because people “lack self-control,” but because these platforms are engineered to override the brain’s reward system.

You’re certainly not weak, irresponsible, or lazy for struggling with this.

But if your screen use is affecting your mood, relationships, work, or sense of self — therapy can help you:

• understand the psychological hooks

• rebuild attention and internal awareness

• strengthen impulse control

• reconnect with your values

• create an environment that supports the life you want

• understand why being alone with your own mind feels so hard 

• learn to tolerate stillness again

A Closing Thought

This isn’t about blaming anyone for using screens. It’s about noticing what they’re taking from all of us, despite our best intentions.

Life is happening in the rooms we're already in. In the people beside us. In our bodies. In our minds. In the real, 4D moments that don’t flash, scroll, or autoplay.

Screens will always win our attention if we let them. But our lives are still here and they ought to be lived without a media company dictating what we do with them.