How Do I Know If a Therapist Is a Good Fit for Me?

Finding a therapist can feel a little like dating — but with your mental health on the line. You want someone you can trust, someone who "gets" you, and someone who can actually help you feel better. But how do you know if a therapist is the right fit?

It’s a great question — and an important one. The relationship between therapist and client is one of the strongest predictors of success in therapy. So, let’s walk through how to tell when you've found someone who’s a good match for you — and what to do if you're not sure.

1. You Feel Emotionally Safe, Even Early On

You don’t need to feel completely comfortable in the first session — opening up takes time. But you should feel a basic sense of safety.

Ask yourself:

• Do I feel judged?

• Do I feel rushed?

• Or do I feel like this person is present, listening, and creating space for me to be myself?

Safety is the foundation of trust — and trust is essential in therapy.

2. They Listen More Than They Talk

A good therapist isn’t there to give you a TED Talk. In early sessions, they should be listening more than speaking, showing curiosity about your story, and asking questions that help you reflect. When they do talk, their words should feel relevant, meaningful, and truly helpful.

You should feel heard, not analyzed or talked at.

3. You Feel Respected, Not Pathologized

A good therapist:

• Meets you where you are

• Speaks with compassion

• Avoids jargon unless they explain it clearly

You shouldn’t feel like a list of symptoms or a diagnosis. You’re a full human being — and your therapist should reflect that back to you.

4. They Welcome Questions (and Set Boundaries Kindly)

It’s okay — and encouraged — to ask questions like:

• “How do you usually work with people like me?”

• “What’s your style in sessions?”

• “Do you give homework or prefer open conversation?”

The way they answer should feel respectful and open — while also showing confidence in their approach.

5. They’re Clear About Their Approach and Specialties

You don't need to know all the clinical terms like CBT, EMDR, or psychodynamic — but your therapist should be able to explain how they help people and why their approach works.

If you’re looking for help with anxiety, trauma, relationships, or life transitions, a good-fit therapist will either:

• Have experience in that area, or

• Be honest if it's not their specialty and refer you elsewhere

6. You Notice a "Gut Feeling" (and It Matters)

Sometimes your body knows before your brain does.

Pay attention to:

• How your body feels before and after sessions

• If you feel a sense of relief, clarity, or hope

• If you find yourself looking forward to sessions (or dreading them)

A good therapeutic relationship can be challenging at times — but it should never feel unsafe, confusing, or disconnected for long.

7. You Can Imagine Being Honest With Them (Eventually)

Even if you don’t feel ready to open up fully right away, can you imagine getting there with this person?

• If the answer is yes → that’s a great sign.

• If the answer is no → it’s okay to explore other options.

You deserve to feel supported by someone who helps you be more you — not less.

🚩 Bonus: Signs a Therapist Might Not Be a Good Fit

Sometimes it's helpful to name what doesn't feel right. Here are a few potential red flags:

• They interrupt or talk over you frequently

• They seem distracted or disinterested

• They dismiss or minimize your experiences

• They give advice without understanding your situation

• You consistently leave sessions feeling worse, not better (and not because of productive discomfort — but because of disconnection)

• They spend half of session showing you pictures you didn't ask for from their Alaskan cruise. This is a true story and happened to our founder when she was trying to find a therapist in her early 20s. 

So… How Do You Decide?

Give it a few sessions — but trust your gut.

It’s totally normal to feel unsure after the first session or two. But by the third or fourth session, you should have a sense of whether the connection feels promising.

Therapy is a relationship — and you’re allowed to evaluate it.

If something doesn’t feel right, it’s okay to say so or explore other options. A good therapist will want you to find the best care for you, even if it’s not with them.

Final Thoughts

Therapy works best when you feel safe, seen, and supported. That doesn’t mean every session will be easy — but it does mean you’ll feel like you’re on the same team.

If you’re currently looking for a therapist and wondering whether we might be a good fit for you, We offer a free 30-minute consultation via video or phone call. It’s a chance for us to meet, talk through your needs, and help you decide what feels right — no pressure. You deserve care that fits you — and we're here if you'd like to explore that together.